This New Year sef

Hmmm… where do I start? It’s been ages on this page. And believe me, a a lot of water and tears have passed under the bridge.

I had a lot of losses the year before (2014) and in the early part of 2015 which was like a strike on the face of the commitment from God-no losses whatsoever.

God in his usual too-faithful-to-fail way ENSURED I experienced loads of deliverances and that I didn’t lose a pin in 2015. My guardian angels must have worked over time, probably sprouting a strand or two of grey hair at some of the tight corners I got myself into this year. From one-chance motors, to fire-outbreaks that made national headlines, to accidents, to as recently as day before yesterday, deliverance from the “funmi phone” guys that operate in traffic, 

God has been so, so awesome.

It has also been a year of firsts for me. A lot of things I hitherto imagined, I have experienced first-hand in this year. Not all has been worthy of my calling, but then, that is a story for another day. Mercy kept me, so I give thanks.

Now I am going to be very honest. This year isn’t ending the way I envisioned, and prayed and planned it was gonna end.  I still have a number of unrealised dreams.

For instance, in my dreams, I am on vacation at this time of the year, with my special someone beside me while we get ready for the fire-works spiritual, physical and the other physical one, to usher in the new year.

Reality check, I left my work station, barely 20 minutes ago because, I just could not leave earlier. It’s kind of a big deal to me. I can’t get to church for the cross-over service. Cross-over might just be me and my lappy at home streaming. #sadface

Now, to the real koko of the matter.

The New Year.

It’s just like 3 hours, 45 minutes to go (as at when I was typing this)

The thing about the New Year is that it goes beyond the digits that make up its nomenclature. It could be 1906 or 2016, once it is a new year, there is this whole… this whole...c'mon you know what I mean. The word New Year even auto corrects to start with capital letters, like a regular proper noun - a fact I just realised as I typed it. 

Thanks to the Christmas season, which is barely a week ago, we often end the year and anticipate the new one with new things (at least a lot of us do)- new toys, new clothes (not always the right size, colour or fit), new pounds (and I mean the type on your body, not the sterling currency, lol), a new Calender on the wall, new bills to pay (oh the joys of January)and the big one- new year resolutions.

I have never been a big fan of the whole new year resolution stuff. I have always believed, still do actually, that any day can be a new day. Every day is the best day to start afresh, be it the 0-1 of the 0-1 or the 3-1 of the 1-0. But in keeping up with trends, I went ahead to still make new year resolutions. That is, until a couple of years ago when I just completely gave up. I told myself, 'Success, listen up girl, no more of this "new year, new me" mantra for you'. No, I didn't find a better way. 

I just became jaded. First, none of my resolutions in retrospect appeared grandiose enough for the drama I associated with making them (I remember vividly in 2013 resolving to always eat breakfast, I know, I know, you are probably wondering who does that?). Consequently, I do not give them the required commitment, which results in me barely keeping my resolutions beyond the first 2 weeks of the New Year, except of course for the resolution to stop making resolutions. (I kept true for a complete 2 years, may be because it is a once in a year kind of thing). BTW, that breakfast resolution was broken on that same New Year day. Not only did I not get breakfast or lunch, dinner was an apology.

So as I sit in Apongbon heading straight from work to church (I will be crossing over to 2016 without even freshening up), my mind turns to meditating as it often does. God has earlier given me My Word for the new year (2016) and here was I asking Him for clarification. Truth be told, I feel a bit unprepared for 2016. It seems to me there is a little important aspect missing. 

Then I start "hearing in my spirit". 

Everybody likes new things, including God.

Inspite of his pet name Ancient of days, the Arugbo-ojo, extends this wonderful invite: “remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold I am doing, a new thing. Now it springs forth do you not see it?”  Isaiah 43:19.

Come to think of it, the bible starts with the story of God doing a new thing. Creating a whole new world of galaxies and fishes and plants and animals and man, and of course, woman and it ends with God’s plans to make a new heaven and a new earth.

Established, God is in this new thing. "What about my unpreparedness?" I muse. Then Isaiah 65 pops into my head. (I recommend you read the entire chapter). Just like that, I see it clearly, God intends new things. He is interested in them. He originates them. He plans them. He orchestrates them. Above all, He wants us to step into and enjoy them.

 Col 3: 9 talks about us doing away with our “old self with its practices” while Eph 4:24  admonishes us to ”put on our new self created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness”

Dear friend, we would explore this in full later next year, which is just about 3 hours, 8 minutes away.  For now, we have to focus and sharpen our expectation for the cross-over service. Yea, I made it to an alternate cross-over service venue with 10 minutes to spare. Thankful for the minimal vehicular traffic on Eko bridge, talk about Divine Orchestration of new things.

Suddenly I am fully expectant, rearing to go and much more thankful for yet another new package. Join me, let's step into this New Year with all of us- spirit, soul and body. 2016 has my name on it, I betchya it's same for you.

OK. Enough said. I gotta post this now. Service starts in 60 seconds.


See you in your multiplied state in about 3 hours.

Welcome to 2016...and don't forget to share your resolutions.


God bless you.

Masturbation : Much Ado about Nothing?

I got the inspiration for this post a while back. I had, however, hesistated to publish it because of it's controversial nature. Also, I didn't really want it to be all about me and what could have very likely been my narrow minded opinion (at the time). I was full of righteous indignation, boiling to pour, as it were. I could not fathom how anybody in their right mind could even question the inappropriateness (to put it mildly) of masturbation.

Like that was not enough, I was window shopping online (a fast becoming very enjoyable hobby) when I decided to check out one of the popular online malls in Nigeria. To my dismay, under a very innocuous category was this great variety of sex toys. I had to click "back", and start all over so I could select the right category. Same thing. The mistake wasn't from me. No, it was not a mistake at all. That was the range/class of products under that category. I had to abruptly pause my "shopping" mid-aisle. Thankfully, there were no carts to bump into me.

After that, I was ready to go. I wanted to write the management of the mall about ensuring products are categorized correctly. I wanted to condemn and announce my own 2 cents worth of observation. No scriptural backing at all, I just wanted to air my views.

All thanks to God who makes all things beautiful in it's time and made me wait. That is, until another unrelated but similar incidence pushed it to the fore and I felt the leading that the time is right to share. I sincerely pray it answers someone's questions and sets at least one person on the right track in a committed walk with God.

The issue is masturbation.
Yes. There, I just said it.
Masturbation.

OK. A quick rewind to sometime in March this year. I overheard a group of teenage girls discussing sex and the whole baby mama syndrome. A particular young girl, who appeared older than the rest went on about how she wasn't "gonna let any dumb dude mess up her life for few seconds of sex". (Her exact words). That caught my attention and I sharpened my eavesdropping ears to hear better. (No blame me o). A majority of them concurred and was I glad. Way to go girls! I mentally applauded. I was thrilled at hearing such young girls so sure of what they wanted. Unfortunately, they switched to yoruba and I lost the thread of the conversation. That is, until I heard the statement, " if I no fit hol body, I go dey do am myself".
Huh???!
I couldn't pretend disinterest any more. I had to turn to stare, in disbelief as these young ladies (the average age could not have been than 16 years) vigorously argued for and against masturbation in contrast with premarital sex. A not-too-quiet clearing of my throat made them aware they had a third party audience and they quietened down as they gathered there purchases to leave. But not before the spokeslady threw me what she must have intended to be a rhetorical question, "e no beta say I do masef?" See me, I go answer. "Of course not". But she wasn't done. "So e beta make I go carry belle abi?". "Of course not", I replied again. "So what are you saying?" she sweetly asked. "Auntie, ma bi nu o..." She added, followed by a string of Yoruba that I didn't understand. My brain was too slow to respond before the ladies sauntered off with giggles at effectively shutting me, miss nosy amebo, up.

Barely two weeks ago, I was in an informal setting somewhere and the issue of abstinence and virginity came up. It was a motley collection age wise as we were between 14 and 35 years. I adressed my self to the young ones mostly about the safety and sensibleness of putting the ring/altar before the bed.

Afterwards, a young girl of about 15 called me aside. She said she was too shy to ask her question initially as one of the ladies there was her mummy's friend and she feared the backlash should her mum hear of her question from her friend. She wanted to know if masturbation was wrong. "Chim ooo". I thought. How do I address this? Technically, she was still a virgin as she was yet to have any sexual relations with either a man or a woman. However, she has been masturbating since she was eleven. She is from a very religious home, a model child, fully involved in church activities.

I muttered a prayer for help, while I asked her to tell me anything and everything as much as she wanted to share. I could sense she needed to talk about it. On my part, I needed to buy time. What do I say? I kept wondering why she chose me. Which kinda set up is this? Out of all the older and more mature christian women in that gathering. As I listened to her, I could see a young heart yearning to serve God, but struggling with this one habit ( which rather unfortunately had also led her to soft porn). I could tangibily feel her confusion, her guilt and her shame.

For want of something better to say, (that was of course the Holy Spirit at work as it gave me an opening) I asked, "so why do you do it?" Suddenly the events of that evening in March came rushing back at her response. "It is not mentioned in the Bible as a sin. Besides, it is better, I can not impregnate myself".

I wondered how many people out there had this perception of masturbation. Since it isn't explicitly mentioned in scriptures as a sin, then it is OK, or at least permissible.

Then I heard this Scripture as if someone spoke it. "This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come. For men shall be lovers of their own selves...Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away" (1Timothy 3:1-2, 5 - emphasis mine). In confusion I turned and blurted out aloud, "wait a minute, I know that scripture". That same voice responded, "yes you do". It went on to ask, "What do you call someone you have sexual relations with? "Lover" I responded. And it dawned on me, masturbation is one of the sins of the end times. It is there alongside covetousness, boasting, pride, blasphemy, disobedience to parents, and the likes. As a matter of fact, it leads the pack. It tops the list(1Tim 3:1-4). Then verse 5 of that scripture clearly states, "...from such turn away".

I explained, as best as I could, as I heard to the young lady in front of me, who I must mention was already staring at me like I was some weirdo. Not that I blame her, I mean I was spinning around and having this monologue.

Before I was done, an imagery flashed in my mind in such clear dimensions I still feel goosebumps thinking about it.
So, I asked my partner in discovery, what is your favourite fruit. " Apples" she promptly replied. Great, I love them too. I shared the imagery with her as a reminder for anytime she gets tempted to give in to premarital sex or masturbation.

Sex is like that apple you love. It is tasty and refreshing and nourishing. Premarital sex is like eating that apple before it is ripe. It doesn't stop it from being an apple. However, you can't get the full benefits of that apple. One the taste won't be that nice. The juice would hurt your teeth and your tongue. Ingestion of large amounts could lead to food poisoning with dangerous effects to your health.

Masturbation, on the other hand, is like you saying, since I can't eat the unripe apple yet, let me eat the apples of my own eyes. They are apples too and I won't have the dangerous effects of eating the unripe apple (premarital sex). At this she shuddered and said "God forbid. Why would someone eat their own flesh? Or their eyeballs? They would soon be blind". Exactly. They would continue, taking a little bit of eyeball per time and seeing less and less each day. In the end, they would either decide to finally eat the unripe apple to preserve their sight or they get completely blind such that even when the apple ripens (they get married), they would not be able to appreciate its taste anymore. Their taste buds have been damaged.

To put it succinctly, masturbation is worse than cannibalism. It is consuming you. If you will not eat your own flesh, then you should not engage in masturbation.

To answer the young lady who asked me "e no beta say I do masef?". I answer No. No. No. And a big no. On the surface, masturbation might seem the better option, especially with the risks of Sexually transmitted infections (STIs), unwanted pregnancy, and all linked with premarital sex. But, really, what's the point? As my mum would say, the meat you consider taboo and would not eat, do not share it with your teeth. That is tantamount to eating it. God in his omniscience already knew excuses like these would come up. So He made provisioning for it and gave us fair warning twice "There is a way which seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death"(Prove 14:12, 16:25). Masturbation and premarital sex are twin sides of the same coin. I remember the one naira coins of those days. One side has Herbert Macaulay's face, the other had the Nigerian coat of arms. No one side was coin-ier than the other (I'm sure there is no word like that, but you get the picture, lol). Enough said.

I was priviledged to lead this second young lady her as she dedicated her life to Christ and made a committment to take the Vow of Purity till marriage, with her mum as an earthly witness. I am so glad she asked me that question. It made me learn.

To you, dearest, who may be struggling with pornography, masturbation, any other form of sexual immorality (or even any other habit that doesn't glorify God), I know the battle is not an easy one, especially in the highly sexualized world we live now.

But there is good news.

First and foremost, God loves you just the way you are. You are His most treasured asset. You are why the Father gave the Son. (John 3:16). You are why the Son chose to die. (John 15:13) Just like the father of the prodigal son, God is looking into the horizon and hoping you would make an about face back to Him.(Luke 15:11-32). Christ stands at the door of your heart knocking (Rev 3:20)

Second, you are not alone in the temptation. The temptation is very real.  "There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it". (1Corinthians 10:13).

Again, though it is true you are not alone, never believe the line that everybody is doing it. That is a lie from the very depths of hell. Even if every other person is, since Jesus isn't, you shouldn't. Others may, you cannot.

People have successfully overcome, you can also.

Third, Christ is with us and grace is available. "For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin... [16] Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need"(Hebrews 4:15-16).

I cannot claim to be an expert on "how to overcome masturbation". But I will share the time tested tips I use when I err/am challenged about any issue.

I ask for forgiveness and make a commitment not to repeat the mistake. (1 John 1:9)

I ask God to take over, because sincerely, I can't do it on my own, no man can. Much as the spirit is willing, the flesh is most times weak and self-serving. ( John 1:12, I Sam 2:9).

And my personal fave, I give God thanks for hearing me and praise Him for my victory. God inhabits the praises of his people and whenever he appears, Satan bows out. (John 1:5)

In addition-

Decide to stop. Go beyond promises and wishes, make a commitment, preferably, a written one. (Daniel 1:8).

Take personal responsibility to send satan packing. Resist the devil and he will flee. (James 4:9)

Accept the truth that sometimes, you need to do the fleeing. So, identify your triggers- friends, movies, music, places, books, habits, moods, etc-  and steer clear of them. Flee. Grow wings and fly away. (Gen 39:7-12, 1 Cor 6:18, 2 Tim 2:22)

Get gainfully and fruitfully engaged. An idle mind is the devil's workshop.

Pray and study God's Word. That is both your sword and your shield. (Ps 119:9, 11, Joshua 1:8, Rom 12:1-2).

Have an accountability partner/ coach. You can get connected to one through Praise Fowowe (@praisefowowe). I have heard him speak at different fora so I can recommend him/ his foundation.

Most importantly, should you have a relapse, do not stay there. Get up and start over.

God bless you richly.

I love you.

Sixteen, Not Sweet

I just turned sixteen.

And I will never know what it means to be a sweet sixteen.

 'Cause ten years already, I swim
In this vast ocean of bitterness.

Hatred burning deep inside of me.
Tearing my heart apart.

Ten years to the day, I just turned six.
And that which I already thought was mine to give
Was forcefully snatched away
By one so close I can barely believe.

I screamed.
I cried.
I called.
I fought.

No one heard.
No one came.
No one cared.
So of course, cruel savagery won.

I wasn't saved.

Now on your hallowed seats you call me loose.
Brazen and brash, a wanton nymph.
Noses turned up and eyes averted
You speak of me in terms unfit for even dogs.

I couldn't care less.
Over the years, I've learnt to depend on no one but me.

As time crawls by
My body blooms
Hope dies
My mind shrivels
The pain ripens
The agony deepens
Raw pain engraved on my soul in stark relief
I simply mark time.

My screams are down to whimpers.
My shouts nothing but whispers.
My tears dried out to trickles.
Only one thing I nurture.

The bitterness within.
The quest for revenge.
The thirst for vengeance.

Today I turn sixteen.

This same body you abused, is coming back for you.
The embers will never smoulder.
They will glow.

First, like a beacon of hope
To draw you in.
Then it will shine like a lighthouse
Calling you home.

Definitely it will burn.
Like the very fires of hell.

It's flames will lick your sinner's soul.
It's heat will scorch your miserable manhood.

This fire will burn.
Till you are charred to ashes.

And feel a bit of my ten-year hell.

Only then will I rest.

Today I turn sixteen.
And I will never be sweet.
So you better watch out.
'Cause I am coming for you.