I got the inspiration for this post a while back. I had, however, hesistated to publish it because of it's controversial nature. Also, I didn't really want it to be all about me and what could have very likely been my narrow minded opinion (at the time). I was full of righteous indignation, boiling to pour, as it were. I could not fathom how anybody in their right mind could even question the inappropriateness (to put it mildly) of masturbation.
Like that was not enough, I was window shopping online (a fast becoming very enjoyable hobby) when I decided to check out one of the popular online malls in Nigeria. To my dismay, under a very innocuous category was this great variety of sex toys. I had to click "back", and start all over so I could select the right category. Same thing. The mistake wasn't from me. No, it was not a mistake at all. That was the range/class of products under that category. I had to abruptly pause my "shopping" mid-aisle. Thankfully, there were no carts to bump into me.
After that, I was ready to go. I wanted to write the management of the mall about ensuring products are categorized correctly. I wanted to condemn and announce my own 2 cents worth of observation. No scriptural backing at all, I just wanted to air my views.
All thanks to God who makes all things beautiful in it's time and made me wait. That is, until another unrelated but similar incidence pushed it to the fore and I felt the leading that the time is right to share. I sincerely pray it answers someone's questions and sets at least one person on the right track in a committed walk with God.
The issue is masturbation.
Yes. There, I just said it.
Masturbation.
OK. A quick rewind to sometime in March this year. I overheard a group of teenage girls discussing sex and the whole baby mama syndrome. A particular young girl, who appeared older than the rest went on about how she wasn't "gonna let any dumb dude mess up her life for few seconds of sex". (Her exact words). That caught my attention and I sharpened my eavesdropping ears to hear better. (No blame me o). A majority of them concurred and was I glad. Way to go girls! I mentally applauded. I was thrilled at hearing such young girls so sure of what they wanted. Unfortunately, they switched to yoruba and I lost the thread of the conversation. That is, until I heard the statement, " if I no fit hol body, I go dey do am myself".
Huh???!
I couldn't pretend disinterest any more. I had to turn to stare, in disbelief as these young ladies (the average age could not have been than 16 years) vigorously argued for and against masturbation in contrast with premarital sex. A not-too-quiet clearing of my throat made them aware they had a third party audience and they quietened down as they gathered there purchases to leave. But not before the spokeslady threw me what she must have intended to be a rhetorical question, "e no beta say I do masef?" See me, I go answer. "Of course not". But she wasn't done. "So e beta make I go carry belle abi?". "Of course not", I replied again. "So what are you saying?" she sweetly asked. "Auntie, ma bi nu o..." She added, followed by a string of Yoruba that I didn't understand. My brain was too slow to respond before the ladies sauntered off with giggles at effectively shutting me, miss nosy amebo, up.
Barely two weeks ago, I was in an informal setting somewhere and the issue of abstinence and virginity came up. It was a motley collection age wise as we were between 14 and 35 years. I adressed my self to the young ones mostly about the safety and sensibleness of putting the ring/altar before the bed.
Afterwards, a young girl of about 15 called me aside. She said she was too shy to ask her question initially as one of the ladies there was her mummy's friend and she feared the backlash should her mum hear of her question from her friend. She wanted to know if masturbation was wrong. "Chim ooo". I thought. How do I address this? Technically, she was still a virgin as she was yet to have any sexual relations with either a man or a woman. However, she has been masturbating since she was eleven. She is from a very religious home, a model child, fully involved in church activities.
I muttered a prayer for help, while I asked her to tell me anything and everything as much as she wanted to share. I could sense she needed to talk about it. On my part, I needed to buy time. What do I say? I kept wondering why she chose me. Which kinda set up is this? Out of all the older and more mature christian women in that gathering. As I listened to her, I could see a young heart yearning to serve God, but struggling with this one habit ( which rather unfortunately had also led her to soft porn). I could tangibily feel her confusion, her guilt and her shame.
For want of something better to say, (that was of course the Holy Spirit at work as it gave me an opening) I asked, "so why do you do it?" Suddenly the events of that evening in March came rushing back at her response. "It is not mentioned in the Bible as a sin. Besides, it is better, I can not impregnate myself".
I wondered how many people out there had this perception of masturbation. Since it isn't explicitly mentioned in scriptures as a sin, then it is OK, or at least permissible.
Then I heard this Scripture as if someone spoke it. "This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come. For men shall be lovers of their own selves...Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away" (1Timothy 3:1-2, 5 - emphasis mine). In confusion I turned and blurted out aloud, "wait a minute, I know that scripture". That same voice responded, "yes you do". It went on to ask, "What do you call someone you have sexual relations with? "Lover" I responded. And it dawned on me, masturbation is one of the sins of the end times. It is there alongside covetousness, boasting, pride, blasphemy, disobedience to parents, and the likes. As a matter of fact, it leads the pack. It tops the list(1Tim 3:1-4). Then verse 5 of that scripture clearly states, "...from such turn away".
I explained, as best as I could, as I heard to the young lady in front of me, who I must mention was already staring at me like I was some weirdo. Not that I blame her, I mean I was spinning around and having this monologue.
Before I was done, an imagery flashed in my mind in such clear dimensions I still feel goosebumps thinking about it.
So, I asked my partner in discovery, what is your favourite fruit. " Apples" she promptly replied. Great, I love them too. I shared the imagery with her as a reminder for anytime she gets tempted to give in to premarital sex or masturbation.
Sex is like that apple you love. It is tasty and refreshing and nourishing. Premarital sex is like eating that apple before it is ripe. It doesn't stop it from being an apple. However, you can't get the full benefits of that apple. One the taste won't be that nice. The juice would hurt your teeth and your tongue. Ingestion of large amounts could lead to food poisoning with dangerous effects to your health.
Masturbation, on the other hand, is like you saying, since I can't eat the unripe apple yet, let me eat the apples of my own eyes. They are apples too and I won't have the dangerous effects of eating the unripe apple (premarital sex). At this she shuddered and said "God forbid. Why would someone eat their own flesh? Or their eyeballs? They would soon be blind". Exactly. They would continue, taking a little bit of eyeball per time and seeing less and less each day. In the end, they would either decide to finally eat the unripe apple to preserve their sight or they get completely blind such that even when the apple ripens (they get married), they would not be able to appreciate its taste anymore. Their taste buds have been damaged.
To put it succinctly, masturbation is worse than cannibalism. It is consuming you. If you will not eat your own flesh, then you should not engage in masturbation.
To answer the young lady who asked me "e no beta say I do masef?". I answer No. No. No. And a big no. On the surface, masturbation might seem the better option, especially with the risks of Sexually transmitted infections (STIs), unwanted pregnancy, and all linked with premarital sex. But, really, what's the point? As my mum would say, the meat you consider taboo and would not eat, do not share it with your teeth. That is tantamount to eating it. God in his omniscience already knew excuses like these would come up. So He made provisioning for it and gave us fair warning twice "There is a way which seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death"(Prove 14:12, 16:25). Masturbation and premarital sex are twin sides of the same coin. I remember the one naira coins of those days. One side has Herbert Macaulay's face, the other had the Nigerian coat of arms. No one side was coin-ier than the other (I'm sure there is no word like that, but you get the picture, lol). Enough said.
I was priviledged to lead this second young lady her as she dedicated her life to Christ and made a committment to take the Vow of Purity till marriage, with her mum as an earthly witness. I am so glad she asked me that question. It made me learn.
To you, dearest, who may be struggling with pornography, masturbation, any other form of sexual immorality (or even any other habit that doesn't glorify God), I know the battle is not an easy one, especially in the highly sexualized world we live now.
But there is good news.
First and foremost, God loves you just the way you are. You are His most treasured asset. You are why the Father gave the Son. (John 3:16). You are why the Son chose to die. (John 15:13) Just like the father of the prodigal son, God is looking into the horizon and hoping you would make an about face back to Him.(Luke 15:11-32). Christ stands at the door of your heart knocking (Rev 3:20)
Second, you are not alone in the temptation. The temptation is very real. "There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it". (1Corinthians 10:13).
Again, though it is true you are not alone, never believe the line that everybody is doing it. That is a lie from the very depths of hell. Even if every other person is, since Jesus isn't, you shouldn't. Others may, you cannot.
People have successfully overcome, you can also.
Third, Christ is with us and grace is available. "For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin... [16] Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need"(Hebrews 4:15-16).
I cannot claim to be an expert on "how to overcome masturbation". But I will share the time tested tips I use when I err/am challenged about any issue.
I ask for forgiveness and make a commitment not to repeat the mistake. (1 John 1:9)
I ask God to take over, because sincerely, I can't do it on my own, no man can. Much as the spirit is willing, the flesh is most times weak and self-serving. ( John 1:12, I Sam 2:9).
And my personal fave, I give God thanks for hearing me and praise Him for my victory. God inhabits the praises of his people and whenever he appears, Satan bows out. (John 1:5)
In addition-
Decide to stop. Go beyond promises and wishes, make a commitment, preferably, a written one. (Daniel 1:8).
Take personal responsibility to send satan packing. Resist the devil and he will flee. (James 4:9)
Accept the truth that sometimes, you need to do the fleeing. So, identify your triggers- friends, movies, music, places, books, habits, moods, etc- and steer clear of them. Flee. Grow wings and fly away. (Gen 39:7-12, 1 Cor 6:18, 2 Tim 2:22)
Get gainfully and fruitfully engaged. An idle mind is the devil's workshop.
Pray and study God's Word. That is both your sword and your shield. (Ps 119:9, 11, Joshua 1:8, Rom 12:1-2).
Have an accountability partner/ coach. You can get connected to one through Praise Fowowe (@praisefowowe). I have heard him speak at different fora so I can recommend him/ his foundation.
Most importantly, should you have a relapse, do not stay there. Get up and start over.
God bless you richly.
I love you.
